As you probably know I am in Brussels and I feel pretty down. I feel like I need to cry but I'm not sure what I'd be crying about.
When I came here I just wanted to make friends and now I've met people but I don't want to spend time with them. I feel like every new girl I meet has it in for me. They all hate me mum and I don't know why. I try and be really nice to new people I meet but it never seems to pay off with the girls. They all want to be bitchy and shit. Well, not all, just most.
I feel like I can't rely on any female to listen to me when I am down. I mean, there are a couple, two actually, but I don't want to be a burden on them, they have been there for me so much in the past, they'll just get fed up of me eventually.
Mum, what did you do that made me so happy and strong? I can't seem to understand what it was. I guess that feeling of you and dad being there was enough and I hope that I can be happy like that once again. It's really hard to keep going when I feel so empty inside. It' a big effort to be happy and I wish I could go back to when I was 16 and change everything.
I love you mum and I wish you were here. My life hasn't been the same. I need you back in my life so badly. I feel scared and weak. I need you here and I would do anything to see you again.
Please help me to find the courage to carry on living my life as I use to.
I don't have one person i my life who can always make me smile.
