The Socks

To dream that you are wearing socks, signifies warmth and comfort. Alternatively, to see socks in your dream indicate that you tend to yield to other's wishes. You are flexible and understanding in your thinking.

Dear Mum,

I had a dream of you wearing these blue and cream socks. I searched above of what thia dream might mean and it's crazy I actally agree with what it says. I also learnt what is means to yield lol

Missing you with every passing day.

xxxx

Is this a special day?

It was four years ago I saw you last but even, there were no exchange of words, just sadness. That day is gone now and I try not to think about it much. I smile at the thought of you and guess what, today I found out that your name means "sun" in Arabic. How cool is that!! - That's what I call Sunny. Strange. Now I know I will always have you close to me. Half the time I call Sunny's name, I don't even need him for anything - I guess those moments can go to you :-)
No, it's not the left overs. I always felt this funny tingle when I started calling him Sun, I was really pleased to learn that!

Today I feel a little bit run down but I am happy. Generally I feel good about my life, things at home are better, the counselling is going well and work is not bad either. I been going gym and keep in shape and I do also feel better about my body. It's a great feeling. I even have the excersize leggings you used to wear all those years ago when we use to go the david llyods - I wear them all the time.
I can't believe they've lasted that long - M&S did sell more quality garments back then. They aren't so good anymore.

I've had lots of my stuff on the John Lewis floor now, all girlswear stuff. It's a nice feeling although somehow, I don't feel it is 100% mine. Maybe because I only designed the artwork and not the garment. Well, that's okay. I guess if you are designing something for a shape that already exists then you do have to design accordingly. Anyway....

I'm at work at the moment. I got one week off next week. I took off four day and of course we get the bank holiday Monday as well.

I'm trying to grow my hair now. I think it's quite long. Actually, I'm sure it was this length you saw me last because by Christmas time, my hair was down to the bust - well, just above it. Stupid me, I went and cut it off after! It's taken ages for me to get it where it is now. I'm really happy with the length.

I miss you sometimes without realising it.

Sunny has been really good with me recently. The other night, he was playing around with me and it hit a horrible memory for me. Although it was late, he took me downstaires and made me tea and talk to me about it. It was really quite good of him. I do look back and yes, I could have been more careful of my actions but seriously, is it only me?
I thought everything was innocent - turns out I was very wrong and you know what, it made me grow up.

I miss you mum x

Down again

Dear Mum,


I'm exhusted, I'm low on energy and smiling is a huge effort at home.

Today I'm going for counselling and I hope this helps me through this phase in my life which I'm sure I will never look back on.

If it were not for Sunny, I' d probably be in pieces and although I feel like that on the inside, I can manage - I feel I'm stronger then that. I think if anything went a little against me today, that will be me done for the day. I just can't take much right now.

I'm not even missing times before anymore. I know that the only option is to move forward and that it - things will never be the same. No matter what.

I can't believe that he thinks he can shout in my face and grab me like that - I don't even trust him anymore.


I wish I could pack my things and leave. Just live me life. Do well in my final year and get away from him. I want nothing to do with him anymore. Now Sunny feels really uncomfortable and I don't know how to help him there. If it's not me making him feel uneasy then how can I stop it?

I'm glad there is someone there to look out for me. Dad has no right to ever make me feel like I don't belong there. The worst thing about dad is that he puts his string of women before me and I don't understand where he is coming from.

He says I'm an adult and I don't need parents like I used to. But of course not, I can do most things without help but he has pretty much left me to live like an orphan. I don't need to do anything to make her feel welcome and I don't see why I should go out of my way to make her smile. Surely I should be able to express my feelings in the house without having to fake it with certain people. Some people don't understand that repect is earnt.

On a low

Dear Mum,


I joined as gym yesterday and one of the members was a little rude to me. I do not know what happened from that point but my mood has been down ever since.
A friend from work says I am feeling down about something else and using this a s an excuse - I am not sure what else could be making me feel down.

I was so happy to joint the gym and I really want to carry on with it and you know what, I am sure this is just one of lifes knock backs. I can get through it and you always believed I was able to recover from anything. I know you saw strength in me, the strength that could give me that survival power and I will have to find that in me once again.

With dearest love,
Natasha xxx

Smile

Dear Mum,

I stopped smoking :-)

I have been keeping fit and I am going to run the race for life in July.

Missing you as always,

Natasha