Is this a special day?

It was four years ago I saw you last but even, there were no exchange of words, just sadness. That day is gone now and I try not to think about it much. I smile at the thought of you and guess what, today I found out that your name means "sun" in Arabic. How cool is that!! - That's what I call Sunny. Strange. Now I know I will always have you close to me. Half the time I call Sunny's name, I don't even need him for anything - I guess those moments can go to you :-)
No, it's not the left overs. I always felt this funny tingle when I started calling him Sun, I was really pleased to learn that!

Today I feel a little bit run down but I am happy. Generally I feel good about my life, things at home are better, the counselling is going well and work is not bad either. I been going gym and keep in shape and I do also feel better about my body. It's a great feeling. I even have the excersize leggings you used to wear all those years ago when we use to go the david llyods - I wear them all the time.
I can't believe they've lasted that long - M&S did sell more quality garments back then. They aren't so good anymore.

I've had lots of my stuff on the John Lewis floor now, all girlswear stuff. It's a nice feeling although somehow, I don't feel it is 100% mine. Maybe because I only designed the artwork and not the garment. Well, that's okay. I guess if you are designing something for a shape that already exists then you do have to design accordingly. Anyway....

I'm at work at the moment. I got one week off next week. I took off four day and of course we get the bank holiday Monday as well.

I'm trying to grow my hair now. I think it's quite long. Actually, I'm sure it was this length you saw me last because by Christmas time, my hair was down to the bust - well, just above it. Stupid me, I went and cut it off after! It's taken ages for me to get it where it is now. I'm really happy with the length.

I miss you sometimes without realising it.

Sunny has been really good with me recently. The other night, he was playing around with me and it hit a horrible memory for me. Although it was late, he took me downstaires and made me tea and talk to me about it. It was really quite good of him. I do look back and yes, I could have been more careful of my actions but seriously, is it only me?
I thought everything was innocent - turns out I was very wrong and you know what, it made me grow up.

I miss you mum x